Bodhi Bum

A week or so ago I found myself needing a little inspiration. Usual life grinding you down sorta thing. And I came across this blog (villagefarang.blogspot.com). Immediately I was struck by how much I saw in him. Someone who laid his thoughts and feelings and hopes for the future out for all to see. And I kinda saw me. In a mirror, or in a concept. I guess none of us are really all that different. We all choose to aspire to something, and we make the best of it from what we're given. But the great thing about today is that you can go out in search of others who more in kindred with yourself, to provide a beacon in the muddle to figure out your way.

On the kind permission of the original post owner, I've copied out our conversation here:

Bodhi Bum:
So, for introductions, I've just read through your posts from start to finish over the last two days. Something about you, your style of writing, your life lived, caught my eye I guess. So I started at the end, and jumped back to the beginning, then worked by way back to here.

You have an enviable life. And from what I've read, you deserve it. You are a very interesting person. A rare soul. Could be said. I'm still trying to figure you out a bit. You write like who I want to be. Yet you come from where I am. I'm still trying to piece the two together. But still finding it more than difficult to reconcile the two, and to find my way to where you are, from where I am.

You have the dream, with the eloquence to match. Yet it's hard to find out how to make it to where you are, your piece of happiness and contentment, from this reality of messy life. I have the feeling that you were once where I am now, that you dove right in, and past blogs gives me the hint you were.

Life has a funny way about it. You can see where you want to be. Then go the opposite direction. Then find others who found the right path, and give you a bit of a nudge in the right way to go. Your steadfastness is astounding. But inspirational. I do have my doubts you were always this way. But the fact that I do kinda think you were once a little "weak" like the rest of us, but have found a solid base inside to make your life how you imagined, to be inspirational. Yeah. ok, that's a big word. But we're all just scouring the net looking for a little inspiration. Just how it is.

I don't usually have much to say, since blogging and chatting is a usually a lot of talking for the sake of nothing. But I read your 1.5 years or so posts in 1.5 days. Funny how your years worth of work can be digested in such a short amount of time. But still, it's worth it, it's out there and it gave me a great deal of enjoyment and inspiration. Most of us are needing some inspiration nowadays, and it's not often we find it so clearly laid out as here.

Bodhi

Village Farang:
Surely there can be no greater reward for a writer, than to have his words read and appreciated. To have someone give up their valuable time to read your work, in its entirety, is an amazing gift. For that gift, I humbly thank you.

It is a safe bet, to assume that I have not always been this person. The strongest steel must truly be forged from fire. My journey is not yet finished I might add and one hopes for the wisdom and understanding to continue moving forward, to becoming a better person.

There can be no static state of being until we cease to be, so there will always be moments of weakness and doubt. I possess no special powers and have surely made my share of mistakes. By not reaching for certainty or conformity, I may have left the door ajar for this life to come and find me, however.

The only inspirational words I can find at the moment are that, as little power as we have over what happens around us or to us, we do possess the ultimate power of how we choose to respond.

VF

Bodhi Bum:
I don't, by any means, mean to hold you up to a measuring post and say that you have arrived, and have nowhere more to go. I realize you are just at a moment in your life, and still have a lot of learning and growing yet to do. However, from my perspective, I see where you are, and am judging myself against your progress. What would life be if we strived to arrive at a certain point, and lived "happily ever after". Obviously, we never arrive, we just are, and continue to struggle.

My only observation is that you tend to struggle a little less than the rest of us. A little less than myself, at least. You know nothing of me, and yet I know so much of you. Or at least what you put down on these pages, and what you have chosen to reveal.

I once, and still do, dream of the quiet simple life that you left the door open for and find yourself living now. And yet being the perpetual dreamer I found my little foray into thailand life somewhat destructive, both on my personal beliefs and my finances. An all to common theme, of that I am more than well aware.

I am striving for the peace of mind that will allow me to extract what is good and what I find I need from that place, but also the strength of character to forego what is not, and ultimately destructive of everything I seek to attain. I've always prided myself of having the clarity to see what I want, and the moral certainty to go after it and make it so. Recently I've found out I'm mortal, and too easily at home in the sewers so to speak. Turns out it's a little harder to clean yourself off after rolling around in the mud, than I once imagined.

I think what struck me about your writing, is that you don't come across as preaching. But rather, talking from someplace where you are quite familiar, and yet have risen above. I think it's much easier to look at the wind blowing across a rice field in the evening sun and find contentment, when you know there is nothing better, or higher, or more satisfying out there. Just over the horizon. Most people always are thinking, what if? What more? What am I missing? You have contentment which is above what most people seem to have. I can only guess, but I would say that it is because you have seen the other side of the coin, and now know the true meaning of happiness. A house. In a field. In a valley. With your trappings of happiness.

I know no one can ever truly be happy. And there is always the what ifs? I more than anyone know about freedom. I've lived out of my suitcase for the past seven years, lived in hotel rooms in 25 countries in seven years at last count, value my freedom above all else. But yet found myself one days craving a base. Somewhere to come back to every now and then. Which ultimately led to a rather unadvised condo purchase down south from you. Needless to say my attempts at putting down roots haven't gone according to plan, and hence my retreat back to the road to replenish the coffers and reprioritize the future plans.

The only inspirational words I can find at the moment are that, "as little power as we have over what happens around us or to us, we do possess the ultimate power of how we choose to respond."

Funny how you quote the only thing which really makes any difference or sense in life. Your future is what you make of it. Period. Plain and simple. That's it. You are the sum of your actions.

I have always strived to bring my actions in line with my true intentions. But I think I have always hidden behind the one truth that everything I do, everything I've done, has never been done in ill will to anyone. If anyone, only to myself. I've always treated everyone around me as I would want to be treated, despite repeatedly finding that I rarely ever get the same in return.

From what I read from your posts, you say that you always were rather guarded to those around you, that you always kept a safe distance and complete control, and only started to open up with your wife. To soften so to speak. Myself, I've always been a bit of a softie, but only for the girls. and that has gotten me into more trouble than I care to speak about. My dad was a softie, hence so am i. I've always said I shouldn't change, and yet now I find myself debating that.

Anyways, the point is that you seem to have validated for me, intentionally or not, that you can still be a caring human being with respect for your partner and people in general, with an open and introspective mind. And yet still have the iron mask on that allows you to survive in a tough world full of guys that try to drag you down to their level. If you could last most of your adult life in Bangkok and yet still emerge a caring and sensitive soul that you seem to be, then there is hope for the rest of us. Or at least for me.

Bodhi

Village Farang:
Reading your comment, I feel as if I might be glimpsing a previous version of me in the mirror. Certainly doors once opened can never be fully closed. Life leaves its mark (or mud) whether we know it or not, as you have found. I assure you my control and apparent suit of armor were donned only after surviving my share of pain, as self protection to guard what semblance of humanity, that remained untainted. For some, the pursuit of women, is born of contempt and conquest and primordial urges. For me it was a romantic and idealized pursuit of perfection. It took me longer to work through that than most, and arrive where I am today. Somewhere along the way I came to the realization that happiness cannot be acquired or bought but must be found within. If you cannot find happiness with what you have, you will never find it with what you acquire, purchase or pursue. I don’t necessarily agree that there is nothing better out there. I have not found perfection but I have perhaps perfected my view of what I have.

While it is true that Bangkok has brought many a man to his knees with its well documented temptations, there is no better place to explore the often dark and unseen corners of our being. Hidden amongst the dangers is the potential for great discovery and self knowledge. Somehow I do not find myself overly concerned about your path. Your intellect, instinct and introspection will surely guide you to where you need to be.

VF

Bodhi Bum:
I think that's what I saw in you as well, which sorta put the mirror up and gave me a view of a potential future path to get to where you are. And again I hate to keep talking as if you are a goal to be reached, a point in life to be attained. From your side, I can imagine you not quite wanting to feel like you're being held up as some future finish line. It's not your place, or position or age, really that I'm looking at, but rather your present state of mind. Some people are born with a good heart that make them a decent person, an open, inquisitive mind that allows them to find the simple, true pleasures in life, and the strength of character, will, conviction, to not squander their ideals and waste their potential. Some people, and I would have to put myself in this category, have got the heart, the ideals, and the curious mind, but sadly struggle with the conviction part of it.

When I first read your story, I came to the conclusion that you are likely a lot like me. But like anything, if you start with all the good ingrediants, then it's just a matter of working on the willpower part of it. And you seem to have confirmed that indeed, you have gone through your share of trials and struggles in Bangkok over the years, as I imagine only a true Saint would not. And Saints are boring anyways, so if you were on saintly side I doubt I would have made it past your second post.

But the point is that you learned your lessons, had your lofty ideals crushed more than a little, adapted, survived, and yet still retained your good heart.

I know how jai dee gets thrown at every guy who can pull a 1000 baht out of his pocket, but the reality I've found, which I think has troubled me more than anything, is the same observation that you made in your previous post. Most guys who come to Thailand are the dregs of their own society, and they approach the girls in a fashion which is completely alien to me. I, like you, am a true romantic.

My father once said when I was a kid that the only thing important in life, is a beautiful girl. A very simple statement, but one strangely enough I've never forgotten. It seemed at the detriment to everything else, I pursued that one true beauty in life. With usually less than stellar repercussions. How do align your love for all womankind, when you treat each one like a rare flower. But each flower is different, and unique. And there are so many of them. And of course butterflys can never rest with just one flower. It seems the rules are fair when the vast majority of guys who approach girls as simple pin cushions, the girls know where things stand. Feelings don't get hurt. But when you treat a girl with respect and dignity, the rules get confused. Hearts get broken. Simple ideals get not so simple.

And hence, there is one true truth. Life is messy. Which is more than half the fun of it. But for how long can you dive in and roll around in the mud, all the while professing your lofty ideals and honorable intentions. In the end, you still get messy, along with the rest of the creeps and miscreants. And are left wondering if indeed you really are all that different indeed.

It would seem the solution is in the conviction, per say. In the power of will to stay above the messy underbelly of life. To realize the true contentment is in a morning walk on a mountain trail with your dogs, not a morning walk out a disco with your latest prize. I can see beauty in each. But the two are so hard to reconcile together. One is ultimately life affirming, while the other is ultimately destructive. Can the two be reconciled, or is it a matter of coming to a point where one is naturally replaced by the other. I know these are questions that obviously are not new to your or anyone who makes a life there. As you said, it's not like closing a door, and that's that. The door will always stay open just a little bit, so as to tempt you back through every once in a while. I'm not good with temptation, hence my looking to you and your commendable convictions. Hopefully hoping they might rub off on me.

I figured that I was always a very stable, centered, honest person who could make a life, but it seems my approach with the girls is what undoes my every time. How do you treat every girl like they are the one, true meaning of this existence, a treasure to be enjoyed and explored and appreciated. And not have feelings develop that will invariably turn bad and lay everything to ruin.

Apologies for my ramblings, but it seems you are one of the rare few guys I'm met over the years who hold the romantic ideal for girls. It's very rare. And of course the answer to all my questions here are patently obvious. And you are the prime outcome of your trials and tribulations which are mirrored back on myself. The answer is clearly to find one, and put all of your work and attention and emotions into. My only problem is that I love them all.

But I'm sure after getting burned a few more times, I'll figure it out. I'm a little like Pavlov's dogs in that way, I keep getting burned but I keep coming back for more. Only question is when will I wisen up and find that one special one. Save a plot in the rice field next to you for me. I'll be there eventually.

Bodhi

February 2, 2009 9:59 PM

Village Farang:
Sorely lacking in grace or tact, the old soothsayer at the bar was not far off. At least as far predicting that you were entering a stormy phase of discontent. Surely, however, there are some who are repulsed by the dark side of life, just as there are those who are drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

You seem to be in that state of limbo where you are still trying to reconcile your original belief structure with the expanded, messy universe you now inhabit. You still judge things, right or wrong, good or bad, based on the beliefs you inherited. Might I put forth the proposition, that there are no “truths” and we believe in things, not because they are “true”, but because they are convenient.

Consider the multitudinous and contradictory nature of beliefs that abound. Each contradicting the others, while all maintaining absolute certainty that they alone are true. Perhaps a world with no beliefs at all, would fall into anarchy. But I believe one can take the position that, “I believe, or don’t believe, because I choose to,” without the need to judge or declare the absolute truth of it. The only difficulty being that one must own the consequences of ones actions based on said beliefs, unable to lay them off on someone else. Surely there is room for a few free spirits to inhabit the realm beyond conformity and blaze their own trail and form their own beliefs.

As for finding “that one special one”, in my case she found me. My only claim to fame is not being stupid enough to let her go because of some silly rules I followed.

VF

February 4, 2009 8:17 PM

Bodhi Bum:
Hi VF,

Thanks for the comments. I know I can be a bit long winded at times, and figured if I was going to write blog length comments, I might as well do my own blog.

Cheers,
Bodhi